-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

- How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.